The Avengers - Remember

He couldn't take it. It was quiet. The Tower was full of people, full of life, but he was alone. Part of his heart was gone.

Tony Stark didn't have an easy life. He was successful in his job, had many lovers, many cars and more money than he could ever spend during his whole life. But it was just like Yinsen described him once - "so you're a man who has everything... and nothing." And it was the truth. But since than so many things had changed in his life.

Of course he went through more ordeals, but there were also happy moments in his life. Becoming friends with rest of the Avengers. Becoming friends with Steve. His first date with Steve. Their first night together. The day he had proposed to Steve. He wouldn't say that his life was perfect, but it was much better since Steve stepped into it.

But now Steve was gone.

No, it was worse.

Steve was still here, currently nine floors below him, sitting on the couch between Thor and Bruce, as the whole team gathered to watch a movie.

But Steve didn't remember him.

Steve remembered Tony Stark - cocky, egoistic, narcissistic wise-ass.

He didn't remember Tony Stark - his boyfriend, his lover, his fiance.

Tony once again started to go through the events of that day. It started normally and innocently - Steve dragging him out from the bed for breakfast, Tony clutching the covers, demanding breakfast in bed. A kiss over a cup of coffee. But when Tony was getting ready to go down to his workshop, Steve filling reports for Fury, the alarm went off. Steve sprang to the elevator and Tony followed with a groan, cursing that they can't even have a day off.

After being filled in on the situation is, together with the rest of the team they were already in an aircraft, getting ready for a battle. Thor and Tony were usually the first ones to get out, having to clear the sky. Before Tony pulled his face plate down, he stole a good luck kiss from Steve, getting a scoff from Hawkeye, something about being disgusting, so when Tony rocketed into the sky he had a smile plastered across his face.

It was a regular battle. No one suspected the oncoming events.

So when everything ended and he started calling Steve into the communication device, he didn't think much of it. Sometimes it happened that during the battle they lost connection. But when they gathered in front of the aircraft and Steve was nowhere to be seen, he freaked out. Before anyone could even stop him, he was already half way across the sky on his way back to the Tower.

They didn't want to tell him anything. He was sitting in silence in the corridor of SHIELD's medical sector, waiting, seeing nurses and agents passing by, not acknowledging him. Finally he snapped, and shoved some random doctor into a wall, gripping on his collar, demanding to be informed about Steve Rogers' state of health right away. The rest of the team came in time and he was practically dragged out by Thor.

But he heard one word as he was being dragged out. "Stable."

The days were passing and Tony spent many days trying to hack into medical records to check on Steve's state, many nights praying to the God he never really believed in. If Steve was stable, why wasn't Tony allowed to see him?

The answer came one day, as Bruce paid him a visit in his floor, telling him that Steve is fine, and Tony was already rushing past him to his boyfriend when Bruce stopped him by placing a hand on his arm, and Tony obeyed, feeling that Bruce grip was too tight.

Amnesia.

Tony felt the air being knocked out of him. But.. It was okay. He will help him. He looked hopefully at Bruce, explaining that he will try to keep calm and won't cause Steve further stress knowing how vulnerable he was now, but just please let him see him. But then Bruce continued.

Retrograde amnesia.

Steve forgot about everything that happened after the battle against Loki.

He remembered Tony. But he forgot about his Tony. For Steve, Tony was still dating Pepper.

The next days were filled with organizing everything in the Tower in such way to make it easier for Steve. For Tony, it was just tearing him apart. Steve's belongings was taken away from their shared floor and moved back to soldier's floor. Tony was given back Steve's engagement ring and took off his own, hiding them in his nightstand. Steve's stuff was replaced with Pepper's, as for Captain's own good, Tony and Pepper had to pretend to be a couple.

When he saw Steve for the first time after soldier got out from the medical sector, he was holding hands with Pepper and just gave a quick glance in Steve's direction and half smirked at him, while Pepper smiled fully and Steve gave a nod to Tony and smiled back at Pepper, before he was pulled into a hug by Thor. Steve didn't notice the awkward flinch Tony made, fighting the urge to rush to him and the way Pepper's hand tightened around brunet's wrist to stop him.

Tony was good at pretending. So he pretended to be happy with Pepper, even though he wanted to scream. Even if every dismissive look Steve gave him was breaking his heart. Even if all he wanted was to get in Steve's arms and kiss his face and.. He pretended to hate the only person he ever truly loved.

But today it was too much for him. They all kept reminding him that Steve had a huge chance to get his memory back,  that he was strong and his serum was making him even stronger and he will remember. But Tony couldn't stand this any longer. He was falling apart. And when he, totally absent minded, walked to Steve who was sitting on the couch and wrapped his hands around his neck from behind, chin resting in blond hair, and Steve moved away, giving Tony a quizzical look, his blue eyes widened in shock, Tony took a step back, gaping at him. He could have lied. Tell that he slipped or something. But instead he turned around and hightailed from the room, followed by Steve's surprised gaze and terrified looks that rest of the team gave him.

And now he was sitting on his bed, clenching and unclenching the two gold rings in his fist, as trying to test if they will disappear too, like Steve's memories about him. About them.

"You're not helping him this way, you know."

Tony didn't move nor acknowledge the person standing in from of him. He saw high heels getting closer, and felt delicate hands carding through his hair. He leaned into the touch resting his forehead against Pepper's chest. The material of Pepper's dress was smooth and cool and she smelled flowery. There was a time when he found comfort while cuddling like this to her. But she couldn't any longer provide comfort for him.

"Tony, I know it's hard.."
"You have no idea," he rasped out. She gently moved Tony away and crouched in front of him, taking his rough hands in her smooth ones. She felt brunet holding something and opened Tony's fist, looking at two shiny, gold objects on his palm.

"Tony.. He will remember.. It will take time and patience, but he will remember.."
"You don't know that!!" Tony wailed, shutting his eyes, fighting with the tears.

"No, I don't know that," she said gently, closing his fist, "but we need to believe in that, right?"

Tony looked up at her and Pepper's heart clenched, seeing how tired and tormented his eyes were.

"I need to get out," he said quietly.
"It's fine. We can go out.."
"No. Just me. Alone. Away."

Pepper sighed. "Tony.."
"I'm not running away!! It.. It will be just better.. For him.. If I won't be around for a while.."

Pepper could argue with that, but she already recognized the signs when her former boyfriend was close to a nervous breakdown.

"Okay," she sighed again. "Do you want me to get ready the house in Malibu?"

Tony cringed. He didn't want to go there. He and Steve already were there a couple of times. He needed to go somewhere where he could escape his memories.

"Get ready the house in Dubai," he said quietly.
"Dubai?" Pepper repeated raising an eye brow.
"Yes," he confirmed, his voice wavering. Pepper didn't question his decision.

The official version was that Tony would be gone for a few days for a business trip. The real version was much more complicated, but he repeated the official version so many times that he started to believe in it. So when he was packing on his floor in bedroom, he didn't notice when and how Steve stood behind Tony, still keeping a distance.

"Are you leaving?"

Tony's first reaction was to flinch. His second was to turn around and reassure Steve that he is not leaving, that he would never leave him, but he got a hold of himself in time and just the way his shoulders tensed gave him away for about two seconds until he relaxed again.

"Yep. Business trip, no biggie," he answered without any emotions, tossing the contents of his nightstand, which consisted almost entirely of electronics, into an open suitcase.

"Before you leave I need to tell you something," Steve started and Tony tensed again. He didn't turn around and Steve took it as a sign to continue.

"I know we started this off wrong foot. And that you hate my guts, although I don't exactly know why.." he started, and Tony's eyed widen. No, not this.

".. but can we just try to be civilized to each other? I'm not asking you to be my friend or anything.." Steve continued, while Tony's heart keeps pounding so fast that it's almost painful. A rush in his ears. Not this, not this..

".. but we are on the same team, live in the same building, and it would make life much easier if.. Tony!"

Before Tony even knew it, soldier's strong hands were wrapped around his waist, forcing him to lie down on to bed.

"Are you okay?" Steve hovered over him, looking concerned. "I think you almost fainted. Maybe you shouldn't go."

Tony's world slowly stopped spinning, but Steve's eyes piercing through him were not helping at all. And why was he looking at him with such concern? It was almost like..

Tony whined, his eyes shifting to the nightstand. Steve's eyes followed and he reached his hand for the two golden rings.

"Don't!" Tony yelped, but it's already too late, and Steve kept his one hand pressed lightly above Tony's arc, not letting him move, while in his other hand he held the rings, looking at them in bewilderment.

"It's not that!" Tony panicked, pushing Steve's hand away, sitting up. He can't let Steve think that these rings were meant for Pepper and him. He can't. Not when Steve.. But soldier looked up at him, blue eyes giving away his heartbreak and Tony found that he is not able to utter a word.

It was too late. Too late, too late and now he will never get Steve back, he lost him..

But what happened next left him speechless again.

Steve looked back at the rings, tracing them both with his finger. Then, as it was the most natural thing in the world, he took the ring that belonged to him, slid it on his finger and did the same with Tony's ring, putting it on his finger. He kept Tony's hand in his, thumb brushing over the gold edge with a soft smile and then leaned forward, giving Tony a gentle kiss on the lips. And Tony was still not able to say a word.

Steve laughed, pulling the other man closer. "Tony.." he whispered, warm lips brushing over trembling ones. "It will be okay now, don't run," he smiled.

Tony's breath hitched. "Steve..?"

Soldier nodded, with a smile.

"You..?"
"Everything. I'm sorry you had to go through this.."

If given a chance, Steve would keep apologizing. Would tell Tony how brave he was for lasting in this situation for so long, but he was not given a chance as Tony started to mutter frantically "shut up, just shut up, Steve," and pinned his lips to Steve's kissing deep and needy, bruising his lips in the process but he didn't care, he really didn't because Steve was back and it was all that mattered.

"Tony.. Tony.." Steve kept repeating into the kiss, sliding fingers on his fiance's cheeks wiping his tears away, as Tony pulled him on the bed, having Steve on top of him, pulling him closer, needing him closer.

"Steve," Tony broke the kiss, tangling his fingers in blond's hair. "Have you ever been to Dubai?"

Steve blinked surprised, but Tony kept smiling through his tears. He didn't feel like sharing his boyfriend right now.